The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
