I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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