Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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