Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
