Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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