Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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