Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
