Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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