stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
