It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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