I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
