glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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