Just cropdusted the office
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
