if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
