Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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