You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
