It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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