why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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