You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
