All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
