I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
