His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
