Im at strip club and am horny
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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