Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
