It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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