peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
