dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
