i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She's the barista slut.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
