I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
