Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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