My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
