My balls are so social today.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
