i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
