4 words: hood of his car
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sext me about skeletons
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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