# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
