I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
