Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
