You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
