I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
