I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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