I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
