he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
