rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
