ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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