if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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