I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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