He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
