I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
