i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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