it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
